I fail at blogging. I’m so sorry for the lack of updates.
If you haven’t guessed by my last post, I’ve done what seemed the unthinkable - I’ve asked someone to partner with me. I was a little surprised as well to find myself asking, but it was certainly the person and not the need to be partnered that inspired me to do so.
I call her Ella, but her full name is Jewella Stine. Not surprisingly, my first contact with her was a question about her land - namely, whether she might be interested in selling it. We had been neighbors in Monti and hadn’t even known it. After selling my original plot, I got a little homesick. I started looking around and, seeing an empty plot where I knew I had previously seen a house, I decided to ask if she was interested in selling. She wasn’t, but we began talking and I quickly discovered that this was no ordinary individual. Before too long, I was smitten - and exceptionally grateful that I had found a kindred spirit in this world of pixels and prims.
Ella understood and appreciated my reasons for remaining unpartnered - the fact that I am polyamorous (in both my first and second lives), and the fact that factors in my personal life would clearly make it impossible for me to establish and maintain the kind of time-commitment that any SL partner would genuinely deserve and expect. As time passed, we clearly made it known to each other that if we were the partnering type, we could definitely see ourselves doing so.
Recently, circumstances in Ella’s first life required her to make a decision - to stay in SL, go on a considerable hiatus, or end her time in world altogether. I was deeply saddened by the thought of not having her around, but my logic circuits took over at that point and I reassured her that FL is always more important than SL. She was to be the most important person in her life, and she had to make sure that she was okay. I told her I would miss her regardless of what her decision would be but that I would be fine, knowing that she was taking care of herself and doing what she needed to restore her sense of balance. Our goodbye was very sad - it began and ended in IM, because neither of us could bear saying goodbye to each other face to face.
Ironically, I had begun working on a project just the day before - a surprise that I couldn’t wait to share with her. Now, with things having suddenly changed, the focus of my project changed from a joyous labor of love to a distraction from sorrow. That day, I donned my most concealing black outfit, tied a black sash firmly about my waist, dyed my hair to match my clothing and my mood, and set to work. I could only hope that she would come back, and if she did, I wanted to have my project ready for her to see. If she didn’t, I would keep it as a remembrance and share it with my friends.
I was hard at work when I saw her log in. She had come in to say goodbye to some of her clients. We had a good talk, and I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t goodbye for us after all. She was planning to be away for anywhere from three to six weeks, and gave me more of an understanding of exactly what was happening in her world behind the monitor. I completely understood.
Then I felt compelled to ask the question. It was not a matter of “if” but of “when” - do I ask now, or when she comes back? Also, there were some important things I needed to talk with her about before that could happen. I let her know this, and asked her if she wanted to talk now or when she returned. She left that decision up to me - so we talked about it. She was very comforting and very understanding, and I suddenly felt myself closer to her than I imagined possible. I decided now was the time to ask. I excused myself for a moment, submitted the proposal, and nearly somersaulted back to IM. I told her I now had a question to ask, and immediately dropped 10 lindens into her account - the amount needed to accept the proposal. She said, “Does this money mean what I think it means?” I smiled and said yes, and popped the question. She screamed and burst into tears and said “Yes!”. We basked in each other’s happiness a bit longer, and said much happier goodbyes this time.
We have exchanged a few emails and IMs-via-email. I stopped into her studio just this weekend and saw that the little harlot had snuck in long enough to add some lovely new artwork to her gallery - something that filled me with unspeakable happiness. I stood in there for a while, taking in her still-present aura and admiring her new pieces.
Why did I ask? Because I didn’t have to. Ella has accepted me as I am - a free spirit who can’t (and won’t let herself) be pinned down. She did so because she knows I accept her as she is - a woman with a past that some people would consider questionable but which is to me a source of unspeakable delight. In addition, Ella has no intentions of being chained to a life dictated by someone else’s approval and permission. She lives her life the way she chooses, and so do I. She loves whom she chooses, and so do I. We are two individual songs, complete and beautiful in ourselves - but when together, we blend together in wondrous harmony. We indulge in each other’s simplicity, and we delight in each other’s depravity.
I couldn’t see it being any other way.
To the woman who made an utter hypocrite out of me, I say … I love you, Jewella Stine.
